He Hides It Well
by graydomus
Summary: It's been one year after Things Change and life for the Titans is good as it gets. No more Brotherhood of Evil, no more Slade, no more worries other than their jobs as superheroes, that is until Raven discovers Beast Boy's painful secret. Relationship will grow and be tested as everyone tries to save the green changeling from himself. Will it be for nothing?
1. Viridis

Raven's POV

**Robin-18 Cyborg-19 Starfire-17 Raven-16 Beast Boy-16**

~One year after season five~

I wait as the elevator doors to the common room slowly roll open. I step out first.

Cyborg's is next to exit. He is the same Cyborg he has always been. Not that his outfit can really change any if at all.

Next is Robin. He might have switched his look the most out of the five of us. Leaving his mess of red, green and yellow in the past, he is now seen in a outfit much like the one Starfire claimed he was wearing when she chased the villain Warp to the future. Though he hasn't made a name change and the bird on his chest is red, something tells me that might not stay that way forever.

Then Starfire herself. Time has been very good to her and the little bit of curve that has developed on her still tall, golden form has kept her looking beautiful. She grew her bangs so they are almost unnoticeable mixed into the rest of her fiery red mop, but her costume stayed very much the same.

Finally, Beast Boy. He is still green as ever, and the most annoying person I have ever met. His body gained some build but he is still lean and the smallest of the group. He, like Robin, had taken a pretty great step in a new direction along the lines of clothing. **(I'm making his character design more like the new 52 comic book launch so google that or sen1227 on tumblr does a great job drawing him the way I'm going for) **He has done away with his old Doom Patrol get up for a white body suit with light purple accents. He refuses to show more skin than his head and neck therefore he also wears classic super hero skin tight gloves and boots. His hair is much longer now and will occasionally fall into his face forcing him to move it with a sharp whip of his head.

I guess my attire changed a bit, too. Not as much as the shapeshifter or boy wonder, but enough. I now cover my legs with a continuation of my black leotard and replaced my blue shoes with black one. Still I couldn't lose all of my old look as I can still be seen with famous blue cape.

The common room and the rest of the tower haven't changed at all. Our job of keeping Jump City is the same and is going well, besides the still lingering feeling that Slade really is out there somewhere thanks to Beast Boy's swearing he fought a robot him a year ago. But he is Beast Boy so we have all kind of pushed that thought aside. So I guess you could say life is good.

"Ok guys I say we all just go to bed. I hate to say it but Cinderblock was actually pretty tiring today," Robin announces, "And it's already *looks at microwave clock* Wow! 11:30! Ok goodnight." He starts off to his room and Starfire floats after him. He can try to hide it but I can see the slight smile that he fights to keep from gracing his lips as he engages in small talk with his crush. I push down my laughter.

"I think I'll hit the hay, too," Cyborg answers as he yawns,

"We'll play video games tomorrow B," He russells Beast Boy's hair and follows the others to the right door of the common room where their rooms are located. Even I found myself yawning and began the other way to the left where Beast Boy's, mine and the bathroom can be found. I am almost in the hallway before I realize the changeling is not beside me. I look around to see him sitting on the couch.

"Hey, you coming?"

No answer. He was just looking down at the coffee table.

"Beast Boy."

He jumps a little as he is ripped out of whatever thought he was in.

"oh… mmm," he looks around seeming to try to figure out what I had said, "What?" Seems he couldn't get the answer. He itches his arm.

"Bed?"

"OH YEAH! That… Um no, I think I'm going to stay out here a minute."

"Ok?" This is weird even for him. "Why?" I know I really shouldn't push it, but it's too late now.

His eyes widened a little like he's surprised, surprised that I would care. I felt a little guilt build in me because I can see why he would feel that way. I act cold sometimes and most of the time towards him. I think I might start to try and change that.

"Oh um… I'm not really that tried I guess."

That's not right, he's been a little off all day. He's has barely talked, he's has barely interacted at all. Now that I'm thinking about it and he's been acting strange for days now. How is it that I'm just now seeing how un-Beast Boy he is acting?

Now it's my turn to be surprised as these words leave my mouth.

"Let's watch a movie."

He snaps his head up to meet my gaze.

"Really?"

"Yeah why not." I say in my monotone voice but I'm actually kind of happy. Happy because he looks a tad bit happier. I didn't not just think that.

"G-great!" He almost jumps off the couch, "I'll make popcorn!"

Half-an-hour later

"Lilo and Stitch?"

"Yeah, it's a Disney classic! It has Hawaii, surfing, a little blue monster alien with four arms, what's not to love?" He smiles that damn grin of his.

We are sitting on the the couch in sweatpants and sweatshirts, deep in a pile of blankets with a _huge _bowl of popcorn in between us. Why did I agree to this.

"Shhhh! It's starting."

"I wasn't saying-"

"SHHHH!"

*disney logo plays*

He itches his arm again. Second time tonight, I'll have to ask him about it later.

*One hour, twenty-four minutes, and four seconds later*

"What'd you think?" Beastboy asked with a wild grin.

"I didn't hate it," I actually loved it, not that I would ever tell Beast Boy. The movie had a perfect balance of joy and jokes but also heart wrenching moment that make you just want to sob.

He turned to me, eyebrows raised and smiling.

"What did I tell you! I _am_ a man that knows his Disney."

I find myself in a fit of laughter with him. Sometimes Beast Boy being Beast Boy is the best thing ever. Than the clock catches my eye. It's one-thirty and I can tell we aren't going to be going to sleep very soon after the emotional rollercoaster Lilo and Stitch has been.

"Hey," I say to him, he was starting to stare off into space again, "Have you ever tried my tea?" This might get his mind of whatever is bothering him until I can figure it out myself.

"No, I can't say that I have."

"Well than you're going to try some" I begin to get out of our bedding fortress when reaches out and grapes my forearm. I quickly look down at him. It's odd for him to touch me and now he had my full attention.

"Ahh… umm…" he pulls his hand away fast and looks down, "Raven, I'm really really sorry." He looks like I'm going to hit him. My eyes soften.

"Beast Boy it's fine, you did nothing wrong," I said sitting back down, "what were you going to say?" He glances but up smiling, glad that I looked over his non-existent mistake.

"I-I was just going to ask why you're doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Hanging out with me?"

Do I really hang out one on one with him so little that when I do it's weird.

"Because I am your friend, and… don't tell anyone I said this, but you can be really fun to be with sometimes." I hope to Azar he can't see my blush. Quick subject change!

"So tea?"

"Yeah Okay." he smiled and we walk to the kitchen.

At the end of the hallway Beast Boy's and my room are in there is full wall window. There is one in the other three's too but I think I am the only one that uses any of the two. I come here to read or sometimes just to think. It's really peaceful.

"You're not the only one." I looked up to see Beast Boy sitting up against the opposite wall as me, did I say that out loud?

"Well not the reading part so much," he continued, "But I do come here to think."

We both looked out the window, both with steaming cups of green tea in our hands, both submerged in big down confitures, both peering into the darkness below. Well, him not so much. With the keen animal senses he has been bestowed with it probably looks like day. I have always wondered how he got the odd powers he has.

"Maybe we could sit together more often Rae."

"Don't call me Rae," his eyes drop a little and I feel a pinch of pain in my chest, you do I care what he calls me anyways, "but maybe." I smile as I see his joy return. Good.

He itches his arm.

"Hey why do you keep itching your arms?"

He freezes and his eyes grow wide.

"...no reason."

He avoids my gaze. Slince.

I make a quick move to get a hold of his limb but he evades me. Still, before he can get out of the covers my magic has him by the waist and both wrist. I pull him to the ground in front of me.

"No Raven! Please stop!"

I rip his right hand out of the black cuff. He struggles more but it is soon seized when the magic gets tighter on his small frame. With a small whimper he gives up, knowing from experience, against me he can't win.

When I am sure he is calm I continued. I jerk up his sweatshirt sleeve and what I see I am not prepared for.

From the top of his forest, green wrist to the bottom of his forearm there are cuts. Most of them are already green scars but some are fresh, leaving his pink flesh to be exposed. Other are starting to scabbing over and that would explain the itching.

He is holding his breath as he waits for my reaction, but I don't know how to react. Beast Boy. The one who is always laughing, always and happy. Never would I have ever thought _he_ of all people would be the one to...

"How could we do this to you Beast boy?" I say it to myself more than him.

"W-what?" His face shows of his uncomfortableness and confusion. He tries again to retrieve his arm but I'm not done with it.

"How long?" I say fast and stern. I feel like I'm the mother and he is the child I just caught stealing a cookie out of a cookie jar. If only that was the situation. Instead I am sitting on the cold, hallway floor at two in the morning, holding one of my best friends to the ground with black music so he will not run away, as I clutch his arm in my gray hand and stare in perplexity at it, wondering how his four other so called family members, who say they devote their never dying love to him, never saw how he was hurting himself.

"How long." I ask again.

"Doom Patrol." Shit.

It's been years than. He has been doing this to himself for years. I'm assuming Mento or any of them have never known so that means he has hid this for most of his childhood.

"Why?"

His looks away.

"BEAST BOY WHY!"

He meets my eyes again

"You're crying." He says almost whispering.

I bring the hand that isn't still holding his arm to just under one of my eyes and I feel wet, warm liquid running down my cheek.

"You are, too," I retorted. And he is. That normally cheerful and loving face is also stain with tears. I pulled my magic away.

We just stare at each other for a moment. He doesn't know what to say, I don't know what to say, so we just stare.

Then we hug.

It reminds me of the time Malchior broke my heart, but this pain I feel now is deeper. This time he is the one hurting. We are both grabbing the other like they are the only thing keeping us above water.

"I'm sorry," his voice cracks.

"You have nothing to apologize for," I stroke his green hair.

After minutes of us silently sobbing into each others necks, we both start to drift into sleep.

"This conversation isn't over."

"I know Raven."

"I'm going to help you Beast Boy."

"Okay."

We lay down and let sleep take us, on the floor, in front of the window. I held him, he held me.

I look down at him one more time. No matter what it takes I am going to fix him.


	2. Atrium

Raven's POV

I move my hand to block the light in my eyes. Why am I so sore? I push up into a sitting position and see that I'm in the hallway. We must of fallen asleep out here. With him. Where is he anyways? I look over and see a mess of green hair protruding out of the blankets. Found him. I smile before the memory of our conversation only a few hour ago resurfaces in my mind. A picture on the wall shatters. I have to get control of my emotions before I destroyed half the tower. Last night set them extremely of balance. Easier said than done. I look at him again. What a great mask he puts up. So great that _I_ didn't even see past it. But I should have. He needed someone and no one was there. For so long no one was there. But that was going to change from no on. I brushed some of his olive strains from off his face. He looks so vulnerable, so small. Before I can stop myself I'm pressing my lips to the top of his head, but it feels right. I lean back and smile.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?"

I half jump out of my skin. I turn so see Cyborg's metal form at the end of the hallway. He must of heard the glass.

"Oh...um, my powers…"

"Why are you on the ground?" He says with a raised eyebrow. "Did you sleep out here?" gesturing towards the blankets I am sprawled in.

At that moment Beast Boy decides to roll over and bury himself deeper into the comforter.

"Is that... Beast Boy!?"

I not wearing my cape so I can't do anything to hide the red that is creeping across my cheeks. How do I explain this?

"Y-yes." I say trying not to sound as embarrassed as I am.

We stare at each other. If he wasn't so confused the laughter I can see boiling in him would have already found a way out.

"Okay. Why are you two out here?" Cyborg chuckled.

I want to tell him but I don't believe that would help me in gaining Beast Boy's trust and I can't do anything to help him if he resents me. Also, I have no idea how to even phrase, "I just learned that our fellow teammate, your best friend, the happiest and most loyal person you know has been _fucking_ cutting himself right under our noses ever since we became a team, a family, and probably longer, but no one has _ever _been able to figure it out!" It isn't really something that can be subtitialy brought up into a early morning chat. Cyborg breaks me from my insane mental rant.

"Were you guys doing it?" He smirks.

I shot a glare up at him and smack him with my magic. He barely acknowledges the pain and laughs.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Raven, the thought of you and BB doing it... *more laughter*." He sits down next to me. Still with him on his knees I must tilt my head up to make eye contact. "So what's the real reason?" he continues.

"Before I answer that, is anyone else up yet?"

"No, just me and you, now fess up."

"We had a movie night."

"Yeah right, stop trying to lying Raven you suck at it." He says while rolling his one good eye.

"I'm being totally serious."

"You and the grass stain had a movie night and the whole damn tower isn't burned to the ground! That's a miracle!"

"Yeah I know. I'm surprised, too."

"So… how did you end up out here?"

"We… talked for a while after," I look over to him, "And we must have fallen asleep." Yeah, something along those lines.

"Well that's nice that you guys are finally getting along. It only took five years, but better late than never." He laughs. I don't. Beast Boy has been hurting the past five years and here's me, being an asshole to him. I have no words for myself.

"You know sometimes I forget how small he is." It pulls me out of my dark thoughts and into his. "He really is tiny Rae." gesturing to the sleeping body presented in front of us. He sounds concerned. If he only knew how much he should be.

We watch Beast Boy for a moment. It's kind of enchanting, how his chest rises and falls, how his hair falls into his gently closed eyes, how his ears twitch every so often. Little things that he does when he's drowning in sleep.

"I know." I say softly. We sit a little longer. I can feel Cyborg's love. Beast Boy really is a brother to him and I do believe he should know about the situation. And he will, probably ever before Robin and Starfire. I will tell him in time, but I have to first figure it all out for myself. I for once truly don't know what to think.

"Hey anyone up yet?" Robin calls from the kitchen. Me and Cyborg look at each other. I don't want to explain to our leader why the two of us are on the ground watching a passed out Beast Boy.

Cyborg picks up on this and answers, "Just me Rob!"

He smiles at me before russiling the sleeping changeling hair and gets up to leave.

"Just seeing if BB stole my game." He lies as he disappears from the hall and my view. I hear the TV go on and I relaxe. Now time to wake Beast Boy.

"Beast Boy." I say softly. His ears twitched but no other moment besides that. I shake him a little.

"Beast Boy."

"Mmm Raven?" He pushes himself up as he focus on my face and then it hits him. I can see him turn a paler color than normal and all light drains from his eyes has he recalled everything. I open my mouth to speak, but I honestly have no idea what to say.

Chatter from the other room halts us.

"Are Beast Boy and Raven up yet, Cy?"

"We should get out there," I say just above a whisper, "We can talk later, okay."

As if I had never said anything at all he continues to gaze at me with a mix of terror and shock. For a second I think he has stopped breathing because of how still he is.

"Please don't tell them Raven." He says softly and deeply. It is chilling to see him so... un-Beast Boy-ish. "Raven I not ready for any of them to know.

"Don't worry I won't say a thing." I say. He seems to ease a little but not entirely.

"Beast Boy if not telling anyone will help make… _this _easier for you then ok."

"Rae." His voice cracks. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping me and… and not being repulsed by them." He turns his head to look out the window that is allowing the bright glow from the rising sun to pour into the small hallway. "_I'm _repulsed by them."

I want to break. Seeing him like this is one of the worst experiences I have ever lived through in my life. I don't know how to react to any of this. I just want him to be jocular, pure, and happy again, because that's what I lov-like about him.

"Beast Boy…" He returns his deep forest green orbs to me, my breath hitches, and before I can stop the words from falling of my lips "I-I think I like you." I can feel dark energy forming around me. It wants to reach out and grab him like it did last night, but I suppress it.

I see him trying to process all of it in his mind. Checking my eyes for any trace of a lie. After a minute his smiles a little.

"I think I like you, too."

I have to calm the storm of joy bubbling inside of me, but I just can't stop smil-

He hugs me. His arms are around my shoulder and face in my hair. I leisurely rap my arms around his waist and rest my chin on his shoulder. He giggles lightly and I do a little, too.

Oh what a mess we are in.


	3. Pluvia

Beast Boy's POV

It's just breakfast. Just sit down and act like the Beast Boy that they want to see. Ignore the fact that Raven and you are apparently this weird thing now and ignore the fact that she knows about you… you know. God damn it! I still can't believe I let her figure it out. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. I knew I should have wrapped those new cuts. New cuts under nylon is the most irritating thing! I had been scratching and picking at those things all night. Truthfully I am surprised no one else noticed. What am I saying of course they didn't notice, they haven't ever noticed. Well, except for now. Raven finally took the time to really look and see. Should I be panicking or jumping for joy?! Oh My God I don't know how I'm going to handle this and the whole _us_ thing, which I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I just need to focus on not freaking out for the moment.

"Ok, I made waffles, fruit salad, annnnd a bunch of eggs with a heaping plate of red, crispy, bacon!" Cy bellows with a sly grin as he eyeing me. Ok, might as well begin the grand act of being happy good lucky BB.

"Duuuuude that's disgusting. Try some soy milk instead!"

"No way green bean! Go lick that out of your dog bowl!" Harsh. I can't blame him, he doesn't realize it. He's just poking fun. Still I can't help but cringe a little at the reference of being just a pet.

I can feel Ravens eyes on me. I have a feeling her watching me a little closer is going to become a regular thing, but I can't worry about that right now. Just need to eat some food.

"Friend Robin?"

"Yeah Star?" His face lights up.

"It has been quite some time since we have all visited the park of town, I suggest we make plans to in the near future!" Starfire was now addressing everyone in her happy cheery way and I couldn't help but give a small smile.

"You're right Star we should go after breakfast." Robin answers.

"Wonderful!"

They continue to chat, but I block it all out as it becomes more and more flirty. When the hell are those two going to just hook-up already?

Raven's eyes are still on me. I turn my head to look across the table at her. Her normally calm and steady violet eye are now reflecting her worry and concern for me. That look doesn't suit her. I sign before giving her my best grin which I can see doesn't fool her. It didn't fool me, so why _would _it fool Raven.

What the hell does she see in me.

"Beast Boy can you pass me the syrup." Robin, who is next to Raven across the table, half yells. It was really more of a demand than a question, but it seems that this is the only way he will talk to me now-a-days. They all yell at me, all the time, but Robin… Robin's the worse. I think it's because he just needs someone to release all the anger that builds inside him on. He really can't do it on anyone else. So that leaves me. I feel like he need it, so, I just take it.

I lean over the long layout of food and plate to pass him the open bottle of syrup, but just before it can reach his ready hand, a red light and an ear-piercing alarm blair. I jump, dropping the container and it's brown sticky contents all over the table.

"GOD DAMN IT BEAST BOY!" He shouts over the noise.

"Robin sorry it was an-"

"Yeah yeah whatever. Titans GO!" And with that we were up and running to the door. I fall back a little just so I can let a grimace grace my green lips without anyone seeing. Everyday it is made more clear to me that life just doesn't get better. No matter how hard I try.

We are in the city. It's clouding and dreary out. I can feel the air's cool touch as it blows through my shaggy jade hair. I have to say don't really mind the weather so much, I almost enjoy it, besides the feeling of rain my sixth sense is picking up, which can be annoying. Ugh, looks like Adonis is just about done with his stupid villain rant. Time to tune back in.

"And that is why I'm the most strongest man to have ever lived! Now Titans, prepare to die!"

"Not today Adonis!" Robin retorts. We all jump into action. Starfire gets above him and her star bolts rain down on to him. Cy runs from behind and tries to bust open the controls to the kid's suit. I try to knock him off his feet by changing into a bull. Robin is swinging around like the famous spider themed hero of New York City **(sorry I couldn't help a web-head reference even if this isn't Marvel) **fling his little gadgets around. And Raven is putting back whatever the stupid kid picks up or rips out of the ground, which makes less clean up for later.

It's going pretty well, until Adonis starts getting frustrated and kicks a fire hydrant like a dumbass. Star hurries over to contain the water that is rocketing into the sky. Raven does the same but instead of getting there she is hit to the ground by Adonis. She makes little noise, but I can tell she is stung. I swear under my breathe as I bolt towards them taking on the form of a hippo. I collide with the boy bring him to the ground. Hard. He doesn't get up so I shift back to human form, crouching. I smile as I turn to see Cy helping Rae up .

"Beast Boy, behind you!" Star's voice fills my ears. I quickly whip around only to meet the backside of a park bench with my chest. I fly backwards until I'm stopped by a brick wall. I slide to the ground slowly. I struggle to replenish my lungs with the precious air that was so roughly pushed out of them.

"Damn." I choke. I try to push myself up only to be halted by pain erupting from my shoulder. I grab it and wince.

"Beast Boy!" I heard everyone yell in unison.

"Awww. Did I hurt the green little shit's little shoulder." Adonis says walking towards me. I can't shift if I'm injured. Well I can, but it hurts a lot and Cyborg says its really bad for me _especially_ if the injury involves bones or muscles. At the moment, I have no way to defend myself. "How about I give you a taste of what you did to me when we were on those fucking chemicals!" So he was still holding _that _grudge. Great.

I push myself as far back to the wall as I can as if it will somehow save me from the approaching giant. It's not long before I'm engulfed in his shadow and I can almost feel his breathe on my face.

He laughs as I cower beneath his gaze. I await the pain that is soon to come, but it never does. He is hit on the back of the head by a familiar blue sonic blast. Thank you Cy.

"Beast Boy, run!" I can't quite make out who say it but its all I need to hear before I'm up and bolting.

Lighting cracks and thunder rolls, but I bear little mind to it. I can feel the ground shaking and it's all the proof I need to know Adonis is not too far behind, and like hell if I'm going to let him catch up. I turn down different blocks and corners to try to confuse him the best that I can. I know this city like the back of my hand. Not even having to look where I am going, only relying on my sharp sense of smell, I make my way to the docks. I keep running at full speed down the long strip of concrete more commonly known as Jump City Harbor. On my right, old rundown warehouses show their ugly faces to the bobbing ships. On my left, the ocean and a clean view of Titans Tower, my home, but it doesn't feel that way. It hasn't felt that way for a long time.

It's raining now just like I predicted and I think I'm far enough away from everything that I should be safe. I come to a full stop and catch my breath. My exhale freezes in the biting air. Sweat and rain drip down my face but I could care less about wiping it away. I'm more worried about how hard Robin's going to lay into me about running away. My only argument is I don't want to be pounded into mush between big metal fists. I also have the fact someone had told my to get my ass into gear to my defense. Alas, even if Robin gave the order himself he would find a way to tell me I screwed up.

For a moment I lose myself in the gentle patter of rain drops impacting the earth and the moaning creeks of the swaying vessels.

"Fancy meeting you here."

Me eyes snap open.

"Looks like Adonis hit you pretty hard my boy."

"Slade." My voice comes out small and terrified as I spin around and stumble away from the only other man harbor. "Why are you here? The robot at the carnival-"

"All questions will be answered in due time my dear, but for now can't I have a nice friendly chat with the Titan's youngest member."

I have no energy and I can't change. I'm alone with Slade and all I can do is shake in the cold and hold my throbbing shoulder.

"Slade, stay away from me." I try to keep calm, to not let him get to me. "I don't know what your planning but I want no part in playing for your side."

"Oh, but Beast Boy, you will. Very, very soon." I could almost hear a smirk behind his famous orange and black mask. I feel sick. He wants me. He going to target me. Never would I have believed that Slade would go after me. I was always convinced after… Terra he would had just kept going for Robin or any of the others, but me!

"As of now," he walks closer to me.

I have no idea what to do, but just stand here trembling and wided eyed. In no time he's towering over me. He grabs my face with one hand and tilts my head up to meet his glare.

"I am very intrigued by your little secret."

He lets me disgust what he means before he snatches the wrist of my hand holding my shoulder. I whimper as I'm wrenched even closer to him. He forcefully tears my uniform sleeves from my body leaving my forearms and hands exposed.

Every muscle, every bone, every cell, every atom in me screeches to an abrupt halt.

He goes for the other arm and repeats the act. I don't fight him. I bite hard onto my lip as my injury is jolted.

I keep my eyes closed as to avoid seeing the scars painted on my green skin.

"Look at them!" His gelid hands still trapped my wrists as I slowly opened my eye's that are heavy with unshed tears. A flash of lighting crosses the sky. I'm frozen as a look down at the hell that has accumulated over the years. They are appalling and they hurt, but I can't find it in me to hate them. They are the only things I have that make life a little more bearable. They offer me release. Even when it feels like the whole fucking world is crumbling around me, and in my line of duty sometimes it really is, I have this to turn to.

They are keeping my head above water even if they are pulling me farther out to sea.

"I've learned a lot about you, be it your past or your present and I have great plans for you future, Garfield." He makes my name sound dirty and I never want to hear it pass his lips again. "I'll see you soon my boy." And within a blink of an eye, he's gone.

His touch lingers on me and it gives me the urge to peel my skin off. I can't move. I'm numb and cold and I don't know what to do. Everything is spinning and I can't get it to stop. My view is blurry and the colors of the harbor are all melting together with the rain. I breathing hard and fast but none of it is getting past my throat. All I can hear is this distant ringing and I'm drenched. I'm so confused. My mind is running faster than I understand. I-I'm lost and hurt, I'm s-scared, I'm tired, I c-can't see, I can't hear and I can't smell, I having a panic attack. I don't- I don't know w-what to do. Everything is going dark and I can't- I need- I need a-

"Beast Boy!"

A light.

"Beast Boy!" Then her warm hands replace the abiding feeling of his and I'm in her arms.

"What happened?" She says into my soaking hair. I notice rain has stopped falling on me and glance up to see a black shield above us. I'm hyperventilating as I wrap my arms tighter around her waist. She hugs me very cautious of my shoulder.

"Slade." Is the only lucid word I come make.

"What!" She brings me out at arms length. Her deep, beautiful eyes searching mine and in return my terror-stricken one gaping with alarm search back.

"He says that I'm next Raven! He wants _me_ next!" I must look completely insane as I scream in this fucking downpour, flailing my one good limb wildly and occasional running my hand through my dripping wet green hair that is plastered to my green face that must have the most spastic and mental expressions gracing it. What just happened here was just some crazy hallucination that I had because I'M FUCKING GOING OF THE DEEP END!

"I CAN'T DO IT RAVEN! I CAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T GO THROUGH WHAT TERRA DID!" I start panting aND I SWEAR I JUST RIPPED SOME HAIR OUT. I JUST WANT TO GO JUMP IT THE FUCKING OCEAN-

*SLAP*

The sting on my face is hardly felt as I am being held again.

"Thank you." For a moment everything is reposful and still and good and whole. I can hear her heart beat and it almost puts me to sleep.

"They're going to be here in a minute." We both look down to my arms.

"I can't let them see these."

"Here take this." She begins to unclip her cape.

"No Rav-"

"Shhh." She throws it around me and it encases me in heat and her amazing scent. "Besides, I couldn't have you catching a cold." She smiles her rare tiny smile, that is becoming a little less rare, as she pulls the hood over my head. We chuckle before catching each others eyes and stop. We get closer and closer till at one point we are touching.

Our lips move in a way I never thought possible. Her powers I don't think can take to much but I push that aside and just feel the power and elegance that is Raven.

We break apart for air and for now that was just enough. It was a pretty damn good first kiss.

We hug one more time.

"Tonight, meet me in my room."

"Umm Raven, we just started um I guess dating I don't think we are ready for-"

She smacks me on the back, not hard but playful. I laugh at the slight redness that flushes her face.

"To talk, dick." I nudge my head deeper into her hair, "I'm really worried about you and now with this whole slade thing-"

I pull away from the embrace.

"I know. Ok tonight we talk."

"And you have to tell them what Slade told you."

"Ok." I say quietly, "But not about cutting yet, please. I still need some time."

"I know."

A comfortable silence falls upon us as we clutch each others hand and wait for our teammates to arrive.

Her hand leaves mine to go to my wrist and runs her thumb over the healing cuts from yesterday.

"Still like you." She mutters sweetly.

"Still like you, too." I reply continuing to watch the rain bunce of the cold, gray concrete.


	4. Propinquus

Beast Boy's POV

I'm in her bed. She is next to me. We are still. Noiseless.

_~Flashback to 30 minutes ago~_

"Robin you _have _to believe me!"

"Beast Boy this is ridiculous! _You're _being ridiculous!"

"Robin, please!"

I don't know what else to do but beg for my leader to take the events I have relayed to him into some kind of concertation. He really thinks I am pulling everyone's leg for some sick joke.

My body is going to quit on me soon and my chest burns with the notion that I won't be able to convince Boy Wonder of anything.

I'm vibrating like a madman. Green, damp hair protruding in all directions. Raven's cloak, now quite damp from the downpour, still to hang loosely over my frame, is keeping my exposed forearms safe from the others view.

A small hand, unnoticed by everyone else, skims it's way across my lower back until laying rest on my hip. Raven. The small reminder of her presence calms me almost immediately.

"Robin," Raven says monotone, "You need to get over whatever your problem is. _We _all need to prepare for the possible return of Slade."

He isn't looking at anyone, but I can sense he's angry. I know he dislikes me, maybe even hates, but this is pushing it. I saw Slade. I talked to Slade. I'm completely and utterly terrified and my leader thinks I'm lying through my teeth.

Tensions are thick. My gaze gravitates to the common room windows that are showcasing the rain that continues to come down in unceasing tremendous fronts. For a moment I feel like I'm floating. My body is so overrun with conflicting and powerful emotions that it has no choice but to shove my conscious mind out into the space before me. I'm floating in space. I'm so full of despair but out here, in my rejected mind, the divine dull of all perception is awe-inspiring. There is no contentment, only nothingness. Is this what death is? A everlasting state of serenity. No happiness, but no pain either. Do you hate pain enough that you can give up happiness, or love happiness enough that you can live with pain? I don't believe anyone can be positive of anyone else's answer. This choice is personal preference.

"Beast Boy!"

I jolt and meet four sets of eyes. I have no words to say.

Apparently Robin doesn't either because he turns away again.

"B," Cyborg says softly and steady, "How about we go wrap your shoulder?" He sees my distress and is trying to separate everyone so another fight can't happen, but I can't go with him. I can't have him see the cuts.

"No Cyborg I'll just heal him." Raven, still next to me, says again monotone and again saving my ass.

Her touch, long removed from my side, is now on my arm. I look to her. I realize the last time I remember blinking was before I started floating and haven't since, even when I came back. I let my eyelids fall over my wide, deranged eyes and sigh.

Form the corner of my perception I see Starfire observe us questionably. But before I can address it, Raven is guiding me to the hallway barring our rooms.

When we are out of site, we holding each other. Then it really hits me how un-Raven-like all this physical contact is, not that I'm complaining. But my curiosity will most likely have to be put on hold for now, like me, she has other things on her mind.

Her gray hands zip across the glowing touchscreen keypad next to the door. It grants us entry by gliding to the left when she ceases the passcode.

She guides me to her bed centered in the middle of the back wall. I glance up to her as I sit on her pale purple comforter. Inside he is calm and still but beneath that exterior is determination and she barely acknowledges my eyes on her as she takes off the cape. Her arms run over my battered limb. It hurts and I tense up, but have her contact somehow makes it less painful.

I'm slowly pulled off the bed and on to my feet.

"Wh-?" I start to ask confused as to why she moved me.

"Shhh." She whispers, turning my around and placing her hands on my back. She finds the zipper to my uniform and swiftly draws it down my back revealing green skin. My breathe halts and I sink my teeth in my lower lip as her hands freeze. I consider morphing into a cat or something, anything that would save Raven from having to view the scars carved on me.

The sensation of cool fingertips brushing just between my shoulder blades compels me to straighten up. Steadily, she brings her palm down as well.

"You didn't do these."

I sigh before answering.

"No, life of a superhero I guess."

She don't say anything. Saw through my lie I suppose.

She continues stripping me of my suit till I am left in only boxers. She pays no mind to my almost nakedness or the other marks on my body, self inflicted or not. I'm sat back down and she begins to heal my injury.

All muscles in me loosen and I have to stop myself from falling limp on my back as Raven's magic rushes through me. It's an amazing feel, it always is. This is the first time I have been able to feel it's full power directly on my skin.

Minutes later she is done.

"Go take a shower, I'm going to change."

"Ok." I say as I get off the bed and start for the door.

"Wait," Her order makes me stop and turn to her again. Much to my surprise I am met with a kiss. Small and quick, but amazing nonetheless.

"Like you." I mutter and smile.

"Like you, too."

In another ten minutes I'm at her door again. She lets me in after a knock twice. She is dressed in a simple t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. I must admit it is a little odd to see Raven in such attire, but I enjoy it. The pain and non eccentric clothing brought out her beauty.

I'm dressed in washed out flannel pants and a white t-shirt leaving my arms exposed, but I feel kind of ok about it… because this is Raven.

_~End of flashback~_

I could fall asleep. I fight my eyelid's urge to drift shut. I know Raven wants to talk so I must stay awake. Without having to look I know that her mind is at work thinking of what questions to ask me, how to figure me out. I, on the other hand, am trying to determine how much I should tell her. How far I should let her see inside me. In the last few days Raven has broken through more of my metal defences than anyone has in years. I'm starting to think it's no use even attempting to keep her out.

"Here's how I think we should do this," She starts, her voice soft and barely audible, "I'll ask a question and you can answer or say pass, simple enough."

"Sounds good."

"Ok," She waste no time as she asks me, "How many times a week would you… you know?"

I consider passing.

"I'm not going to get angry with you, Beast Boy."

We both stare up at the ceiling.

"It was never really consistent," I close my eyes, but elaborate, "Some weeks I needed it every night, others I could go a few days without it."

I let her process the new information and I could see her nod in the darkness. Then again it really wasn't that dark to me.

"Why do you need it?"

Minutes go by as I form a response.

"I need it to help distract from other pains."

I know she wants more, but I can't really explain it.

"When did you start?"

"Back in the Doom Patrol."

"Is cutting all you do to yourself?"

"Pass."

"I'm I the only one who knows."

"No."

"Who else knows?"

"Mento."

"How did he find out?"

"Saw them once, same as you."

"How did he respond?"

"Pass."

"What did you do before the Doom Patrol?"

"Pass."

"Were you always green?"

I laugh a little at that question because I guess I never really realized all the Titans probably just assumed I was born this way. Born green. "No."

"Where you always a shapeshifter?"

"No."

"How did you become this way then?"

"Pass."

"Will you tell me your past one day?"

"Possibly."

"Will you let me try to help you stop hurting yourself?"

"... yes."

I can feel her smile.

"Will you tell the others soon?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do about Slade?"

"I don't know."

"Do you hate us for not seeing what you were doing to yourself, for not helping?"

"No, I never wanted you or any of them to know about it at all."

"Have you ever tried to kill yourself?"

"Pas-"

"No Beast Boy I'm making an exception for this one question, I need you to answer this. I need to know if there is a possibility you plan for us to come home and find you dead in your room one day." She says fast and hard, getting louder and more passionate as she went on.

I turn my head to encounter her purple gems already locked on me. She is straining to keep her powers under her jurisdiction as tears threatened to spill over.

My eyes are wide as I take in her fears. Then they close.

"Yes."

Her tears fall and a wave of black devours the room. Small objects levitate and furniture shakes.

"Raven stop! Wait!" I gather her into my arms, "It was years ago under circumstances that wouldn't ever happen again. I've never tried to do it in my time as a Titan."

She searches my face for signs I'm being untruthfull. Finding none her magic retracts, putting the room back to the way it was seconds ago.

We collapse back into the blankets. Squeezing the life out of each other. Both of us have trails of salt water draining for our eyes.

"Beast Boy I don't think I could handle losing you, none of us could."

I don't quite believe that statement to it's fullest extent, but it's wonderful to hear the words fall from her perfect lips.

"Let's just get through this day by day." I nod my agreement into her hair.

"Beast Boy," She eases me away from our hug and cups my chin to have me look at her, "You have to come to me when you feel the need to do any kind of harm to yourself. I know I must have said it twenty times by now, but I feel you need the extra reinforcement, anytime of night, anytime of day, find me I'll be there."

We bring our lips together as if to seal the deal. No tongue just gentle motions. Then somewhere along the way we start to giggle, which turns to quiet laughter, which turns to louder laughter.

We crack up through our drying tears. What about, I don't know, but it only stops when we are laying down once more creasing each other's back in circles and rubs. Sleep find us not long after.

The rain never stopped.

Starfire's POV

I really don't know _what _exactly happened to friend Beast Boy. Grant it, the thought of Slade being back is quite hard to swallow, but to think both friend Beast Boy and friend Raven lied about something so serious is unimaginable. And why is Robin so distasteful towards our little changeling is beyond me. He is normally somewhat rude to him, but this is pushing it.

Now here I find myself on the couch of the common room watching friend Cyborg and Boyfri- just friend Robin fight like very sick dogs.

"Robin what if he's right?! What if Slade _is _back?!"

"Cyborg you can't actually _believe_ _Beast Boy_ of all people!"

Cyborg looked personal offended by that comment.

"Robin what the hell is your problem with him!"

"I don't have a problem with him! Look you saw him smash into that wall, he probably hit his head and started seeing things."

"Robin why can't you even give what he said a _little_ thought?!"

"Because he's most likely just pulling our leg and being a child, like always!"

"Fuck you Robin!"

My friends look like they are about to kill each other.

"Please stop!" The two pause mid scream, "Look at yourselves! Our friends are sleeping in the other room and all this commotion might weaken them!"

"Star's right, but Robin you need to get your fucking act together. What if Beast Boy said is true and Slade fucking comes after him? What are you going to do then?" His voice was low and dangerous.

"That's not going to happen Cy."

The half robot half human hybrid glares at the smaller teen in front of him before walking towards the hallway and to his room.

"Robin…" I start but he won't make eye contact. We stand there for many long, silent minutes. I want to go to him, but I'm honestly frightened by Robin when he gets like this. Without a word he storms off to the elevator and doubtlessly goes to his study.

When he is out of view I let a single tear trail down my cheek. Oh Robin.

**Authors Note:** Sorry this took so long, but it's up now so enjoy. Please review!


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